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lesson learned....

I truly believe that we have to fall down hard to learn how to stand on our own.

It is so hard to watch someone you love dearly fall. To know that you can’t just offer them your hand over and over again, there comes a point when you have to let them pick themselves up and dust off…alone. I wish I could do something. I wish I could be in control. I wish I could learn the lessons for them. I wish I could put them in a bubble so they would never hurt. BUT some smart dumb ass (it's fully possible trust me) once said "the only lessons that mean anything to you are the ones learned the hard way." I know it’s the truth.... but it still is hard to watch your friends get battered and bruised. I know that in the end my friends will come out on top, but some part of me wants to solve all their problems for them...which is selfish and just enables people to continue making bad choices and never have to learn. I am controlling, over bearing and I smother people….maybe this is why. Maybe it’s just that I hope to god that they never have to experience some of the shitty things I have in my life. If I can stop them from having some of the bad memories that I do…I feel like I’ve done something great? I like to try and spend every moment with people if I’m worried about them to keep my eye on them. That isn’t my job, yet I’ve appointed myself the position. When really I’m sure at times having me as a friend just feels like a hanging out with your parents. I want to let loose and have fun, which I think I do a great deal of, but sometimes I catch myself being so overly cautious that I could be letting moments pass. With some people I have very few left and can I really afford to let any of them go?

p.s. I love my life.

p.p.s. I miss Jessica Anne

Avatar volcanovixen21 *
07-25-05 16:41
Dvorak Attack
Hon, I know exactly what you are talking about. I've had some majorly fucked up experiences in my life and have tried to spare those I love from having to go through that pain...but I also see that they will never learn if I dont let them make mistakes. I also hate to see my friends slip and fall, but I, too, am learning to let them do what they will in their lives, both good and bad...because if I don't let them slip and fall, they will never experience the journey of having to climb back up.
My senior quote was "the harder you fall, the higher you bounce" and this is SO true, for all of us. But I know exactly what you mean about having all this life experience and wanting to spare your friends the bad ones; this is something I will probably always be fighting with myself over! Lol. But, I think we are very alike, you and I.
Rock on!
Avatar manderpander
07-26-05 11:21
It is kind of weird to me that we are so similar. I am just a control freak sometimes and part of me lets that penetrate into my friendships. That and I love people too much sometimes ya know? How are things with Jess and Linds though?
Avatar volcanovixen21 *
08-04-05 06:57
Dvorak Attack

I know what you mean about being a control freak, lol. It's just kind of hard to watch people do things with their lives that scream "trouble"...okay, I'm not exactly known for my excellent judgement calls within my own life...but if there was some way my friends could gain knowledge and wisdom without pain, I would be signing their names on the dotted line. Unfortunately, that is not how this works. As for Linds and Jess, things are working okay for now. Lindsay is better at talking to me about our differences and our growing apart as of late, how to fix it, etc. while when I try to talk to Jess about anything even remotely personal or intellectual, all I get is "yeaahh" or "ohhh" to the point where I feel like tearing my hair out. But I'm not giving up just yet. We all have to grow up sometime, right? I'll be right here waiting for them when they do.
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